Getting to know
by Katherine NotGreat
Summary: A side-story to my previous ones, "To Slay The Jabberwocky" and "Never Say Goodbye", taking place in between. Jonathan Crane left his old life behind alongside with his homecountry, but what sort of future waits for him? And will he finally belong? Story told in flashbacks.
1. Chapter 1

"I have got friends. Someone spoke to me only yesterday"

 _Eeyore, "Winnie-the Pooh"._

"We'll be waiting for you guys outside, okay?", said Mark Rosenthal , lingering for a second near the huge doors of the ancient cathedral, then taking his leave to join the "old gang" in the square, as the memorial service was already over.

Molly nodded. She wasn't ready to leave yet. Neither, so it seemed, was the elderly gentleman who was sitting next to her, also lost in thought.

"You never told us how you met Jonathan for the first time, Professor von Kellius", she asked him all of a sudden, because the silence was too painful for her.

The descendant of a long line of German aristocrats sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Please, call me Otto".

"Only if you call me Molly. You know, I've been wondering for some time what made you seek him out of a whole crowd of your other colleagues."

"Well ", the professor gave her a rueful smile, "it would have been rather hard **not to** notice our mutual friend, outstanding as he was, in all senses of that word. Besides, when I first ran into him, he seemed rather...how to put it in English?... **lost.** And I don't only mean literally."

 _...Everything was odd and unusual to him, from his new clothes (as even he had to admit the need to leave his usual shabby style behind) to his new documents with a clean bill of health (which was a bit of a stretch, considering the amount of medications in his suitcase), and Jonathan Crane realized, while descending the "Lufthanza" plane in the airport of Frankfurt ,and later getting on a train to Heidelberg, that to the long list of known fobias he could as well add his personal new one – a fear of changes in life._

 _Too little too late – his life has already changed, and he knew it and dreaded it._

 _But what if this crucial change ended in nothing? What if he didn't belong here as well as he didn't belong anywhere before, neither in his hometown nor in the city of Gotham? And was it even possible for him to belong anywhere?..._

 _Too many questions dwelled on his mind, and, not being Edward Nygma, he wasn't much used to that – his whole future life being one big question mark (thankfully, not green)._

 _...The University complex was truly great – Gotham State was a mere shack in comparison with this magnificent work of architecture, dating back to Middle Ages. As customary in this country (_ _ **Ordnung und Disciplinen)**_ _, all was arranged in neat order, direction instructions included, but,being still in a somewhat overwhelmed state of mind , Jonathan wasn't sure he was following the right way, even though been told where to go at the reception desk._

 _..At last, tired of wandering, he pushed the nearest door which looked like an entrance into some staff room, and found himself in an office filled with rows of bookcases. No one was to be seen around, and he sighed in annoyance._

" _Where am I supposed to be going now?"he asked himself, not aware of saying these words outloud._

" _That depends on where you want to find yourself, dear sir", someone suddenly said behind him in a rich baritone, in English with only a slight German accent._

 _Caught unawares, Jonathan almost dropped his suitcase. When he turned around, he saw a stout man in his early sixties,with greying blond hair and piercing but kind grey eyes, whose desk he failed to notice earlier behind all those rows of bookcases._

" _You can speak English if you wish, as we aren't in a study hall at the moment", the stranger continued, smiling at him._

" _I – I beg your pardon, sir", Crane stammered, still holding his case in a tight grip, "I am looking for the Psychology Department. I have got an appointment with Professor Schtolle.. ."_

" _Ah, you're looking for Gerhardt – I mean, for the Dean! Then, I'm afraid, you'll have to go back to the elevator and make a left turn ... but on a second thought", the older gentleman looked at Crane, as if taking in the newcomer's state of mind, "I think I'd better go with you, as I also have a question for him, and Gerhardt is a rather punctual person, so I'll make sure you don't lose your way again"._

 _And giving Jonathan another reassuring smile, the strange professor showed him the way._

 _Jonathan Crane had an odd feeling this gentleman wasn't only referring to his finding the way to the Psychology Department, but to something more profound. He also felt it wasn't the last time they met each other._

 _It so happened the premonition was a right one, and the result followed quite soon._

"Yes, I can imagine..." Molly said quietly, wishing she had been there for her friend at that time, but still aware of the fact she couldn't be omnipresent, being only a mortal woman.

"That, and one more thing", von Kellius frowned for a moment. "There was a certain look in his eyes..."

"What look exactly?", Molly was a bit puzzled.

"The one I only witnessed once – at least directly- and very long ago, but have never forgotten since. The same look I saw in my uncle Kurt's eyes after the Nuremberg Trials ended."


	2. Chapter 2

"Was it that bad?" Molly was at a loss for words.

"Undoubtedly. I was quite young when the War ended, but I still remember. My father's cousin was an assistant of the notorious Joseph Mengele, and was condemned on the same charges as the latter, although Mengele himself managed to escape. I never saw Uncle Kurt since then – he commited suicide soon after his incaceration. But I will forever remember his eyes, reflecting the horrible realization that all that he believed in and considered to be true turned out to be false; that feeling of the whole world crashing down in a moment and uncertainty of the future awaiting him. So, when many years later I met Jonathan, I told myself that this time I could try and actually do something to help him , not be just another indifferent passer-by. Because, you know, there is a saying – I fail to remember the author – **"If you don't let go of your past , it won't let you go."**

... _Contrary to his apprehensions, the intreview with Prof. Gerhardt Schtolle, the Head of Psychology Department, went quite smoothly, and wasn't even too long, as they had previously been corresponding for quite a while. Having been granted a trial work period, Jonathan was sent to the Rector's office to sign his papers – this time without any (mis)adventures - , and while waiting in the lobby, caught a glimpse of his previous self-proclaimed escort, who was at the moment speaking to the Rector's secretary._ _ **"Ja, Herr Dekan der Fakultat",**_ _the latter answered to the man's question, and the professor nodded and quickly disappeared in the corridor, but not before winking good-naturedly at Crane through his vintage round glasses._

 _Later that day, when all formalities were settled, and even his possessions were alredy in his newly-assigned quaters in the campus , Jonathan realized he was indeed hungry. Deciding to put his old habits (and that of skipping meals among others as well) behind , he went to the closest campus canteen he noticed earlier that day ,while checking in._

 _.."You might want to try the_ _ **Eintopf**_ _soup , they cook it really well here" - while standing in the queue, Jonathan suddenly heard the already familiar baritone over his shoulder, this time only mildly surprised. "And , if you don't mind my meddling, the_ _ **Kartoffelsalat**_ _I see here on the tray is quite good either."_

 _Funny enogh, several minutes later Crane found himself seated at the table across the owner of that voice ( with the same dishes he had been recommended , and even the dessert, which was really not quite usual for him, but whatever)._

" _Well, as we keep on running into each other since your arrival to our_ _ **Alma Mater,**_ _" , the older man chuckled, "I suggest we at least make proper introductions. I am Otto Friedrich von Kellius, but you may call me Otto", and he held out his large hand to Crane. "I'm from the Neurobiology Department, so we won't be exactly working together – unless you choose to change your mind later - , but this doesn't prevent us from getting to know each other."_

" _Crane. Jonathan Crane" - ,after a moment's hesitation, Jonathan somewhat awkwardly shook the foreign Professor's hand._

" _As in "Bond, James Bond"? Ah, you Englishmen are really original!" the odd scientist beamed at his new acquaintance._

" _Actually, I'm American", Jonathan corrected him , still feeling a little uncomfortable. He wasn't used to such cordiality, to put it mildly, least of all from strangers._

" _Oh, I see. Pity – I was about to make a joke of "our ways are not your ways", but maybe it's not that much of a joke, after all. Forgive me if I sound rude to you, but I always thought of Americans as optimistic enthusiasts – or enthusiastic optimists, whatever you prefer. No wonder you decided to move to the Old World - I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to survive – ot rather endure - back in your home country."_

" _Beg pardon, Herr Professor..."_

" _It's Otto, I already told you."_

" _Beg pardon , Otto, but you don't exactly look like a pessimist in my view", Jonathan carefully started, being too shocked to dwell on his own emotions._

" _That's because I'm not.", Crane's interlocutor put his spoon aside for a moment._

" _But I wasn't speaking about myself. As for you..."_

" _You have no idea", Crane's answer sounded a bit more bitter than he meant._

" _On the contrary, I believe I have", von Kellius' grey eyes were piercing straight through the spiky shell in which Crane's soul was usually hidden. "But then...every nation has its own prejudices, and not all of them are harmless. For example, a popularl belief that everything should be "OK", - he paused for a moment – "we usually ask a person :"How are you?" , but we don't expect him or her to actually tell us how this very person is doing. We expect to hear something like "all right" or "fine" and move on. Unfortunately, most of us don't give a second thought to the person's possibly being not "fine" . But everything cannot be always "fine", and sometimes things are rather far from 'ok", because this is life –_ _ **c'est la vie,**_ _as our neighbours say, and there are good days and bad days. And, I believe, it's very unwise to pretend that you're fine when you're indeed not - because forbidding yourself to feel, repressing your emotions can be outright dangerous - , but to think that if one isn't 'ok", then he or she is "not normal"or, as they say nowadays, 'weird" – that's outright foolish! " ._

" _You really think so?" Crane looked at von Kellius as if the venerable professor had grown a second head on his shoulders._

" _I do", the latter answered nonchalantly, returning his attention to the food, as if the "moment of truth" hasn't just happened. "But I'm sorry – you're hungry and I keep you waiting with my incessant talking. Greta always says I don't know where to stop once I get started", he chuckled good-naturedly. "By the way", he added sometime later, when their plates were almost empty, "although the cuisine here is quite adequate, it's nothing compared to my wife's – but I hope you can test it yourself when you visit us this weekend – I hope you haven't had yet made any previous engagements?"_

" _No, I- I haven't", Jonathan was caught unawares again. He couldn't believe his own ears – has he just been invited to von Kellius'house after having just met him several hours before?!_

" _Than that's settled!" Otto smiled contentedly, getting up from his seat. "Our dear Gerhardt is also coming over this Saturday, so we can have a nice discussion about your article in "_ _ **Spektrum"**_ _and how on Earth you managed to outsmart Gerhardt so that even he himself had to admit it! But that," he added, noticing Crane's paleness, "is a topic for another time! You must be rather tired after such a long and busy day, so have a good rest! See you tomorrow, my friend!"_

 _And the odd professor once again vigorously shook the astonished Crane's hand , and left the cafe before Jonathan could pronounce "_ _ **Imperativ katigorischer"**_ _._

 _Otto von Kellius has called him a friend, and,possibly, even meant it._

 _It felt odd for Jonathan, who until recently had never had any friends apart from Jervis (well, he had Molly's friendship too now, but he still wasn't sure how he felt about it, and whether those feelings were just friendly or something more), but, strangely enough, it was a good kind of odd._

 _Who knows, he might even get used to it one day..._

 _Suddenly Jonathan didn't feel so much alone anymore, nor afraid of the future that lay in front of him._

 _At least, he mused, he had a future now, which was more than he ever had._

"I'm glad you were there for Jonathan , Otto," Molly quietlly said as they were leaving the cathedral to join the "old gang" awaiting for them on a bench across the square, "and I cannot be grateful enough. Jonathan needed this second chance at living his life, probably more than any of us."

"The pleasure was mine, Fraulein Molly", Professor von Kellius' smile was tinged with sadness. "As for second chances...", he glanced back at the magnificent old cathedral that was now behind them, "our nation's whole recent history is about second chances, as you probably know..."

And they crossed the square together, in order not to keep their company waiting any longer.


	3. Chapter 3

_**..."Do you know, by the way, that the phrase "Do not be afraid" is written in the Bible exactly 365 times?", Gerhardt Schtolle asked him, as they were sitting in Otto's living-room (**_ _again_ _ **) one rainy spring evening, enjoying Greta's delicious cooking (**_ _as they_ __ _now_ __ _did almost every weekend – he was going to look like a taller version of Oswald Cobblepot if they continued to insist_ __ _on his getting acquainted with German cuisine this close!)_

"Is that really so?", Jonathan tried hard to sound neutral and polite to his superior, but with only so much success as not to crash the glass of fine Bavarian beer in his hand.

" _ **I see that our dear friend Fritz Bhaer's ideas are finally starting to rub off you, Gerhardt," – Otto von Kelluis ,while noticing Jonathan's sudden stiffened posture and unwilinngness to go further into the topic of conversation, decided to lighten the mood. "Perhaps you should consider transferring to the Philosophy Department and leaving your current Head position to Jonathan?"**_

' _ **Thanks, Otto, but that would be quite unneccessary", Crane relaxed a little, but not quite. "The Dean's position leaves too little time for research and development, if you ask me, and, besides, I'm not exactly a Head material.."**_

 _..._ In vain during all those years of working with Jonathan Crane had Otto von Kelluis tried to persuade his friend to go to listen to organ music, or oratoria written by his favourite 17th century composer, or just admire the statues or other objects of historical and cultural value, - if it was required to set foot into church, the said friend, otherwise a person of great intelligence and not exactly a hermite, just flat-out refused him without any logical explanaton. Otto was never offended – he realized that it had nothing to do with himself or their friendship, and the cause of such odd behaviour was deep-rooted somewhere in the past, so he never insisted .

Still, it never failed to bother him.

Especially on days like this.

Yes, there was at least one day of the year when the usually merry and optimistic Prof. von Kellius was grave and dead-serious.

May, 8th . Memorial Day. The one called "V-day" in most European countries.

The day his country surrended . (He couldn't say "lost", because it was the infamous Fuhrer and his cronies that lost the war, not the whole people).

Albeit a Protestant, he always felt the neccessity of praying for the dead, and not only for those who fought on the right side. In fact, it was a long-standing tradition for him to go to the Heidelberg's most well-known cathedral – Church of the Holy Spirit – for a memorial service, with a small well-worn notebook with lots of names written in it. The names of Heidelberg's staff members, students and _alumni,_ whose lives were taken by the War.

No one made him pray for all those long-dead people – he just did. He felt he should.

"I'm sorry, Otto", Crane averted his friend's eyes, as the latter was leaving the building to go to the cathedral that year – as, in fact, all previous years since he got acquainted with him . "Please don't ask me - I just can't".

"I understand", Otto nodded, knowing better than to ask any questions, and took his leave soon.

Only half an hour later, when Jonathan was going to leave the staff room , he noticed that there was a pair of spectacles on the desk that definetely wasn't his.

Damn.

He knew that Otto almost couldn't read without his glasses.

And he also knew that in order to give them back to his friend, he had to cross the line he never had it in him to cross since he left Arlen, Georgia several decades ago.

...As Molly recently wrote in one of her letters, childhood trauma was as much a popular "trend" in modern psychology, as ADHD was in pediatrics. And although Jonathan Crane had never been in the so-called mainstream in his whole life, this was the only exception, and not the one he had ever shared with anyone apart from Joan Leland.

He really hated to be in the mainstream right now.

The ancient cathedral was magnificent and looked nothing like the old dilapidated chapel- turned- aviary of his childhood.

Still, Jonathan lingered somewhere near the threshold , wondering how he even managed to get this far.

Well, he mused, it was as far as he could ever get.

The heavy ornated doors were right in front of him, and all he needed was to open them, but he didn't.

 _He couldn't enter._

 _He just couldn't._

 _(Lord of Despair, indeed!)_

But Otto did need his glasses. He wouldn't be otherwise able to follow his long list of names.

Why did Otto even bother to name all those people out loud, and why come here at all? Couldn't he just do it in his own house? And why was it neccessary to name them at all? All of them were dead, have been for a long time. As if Someone over there – _**if**_ there was Anyone over there - cared for them, dead or alive!...

Except maybe , just maybe, He _**did**_ care.

Jonathan froze on the spot, as the unexpected thought hit him.

He always imagined God to be cold, severe and unforgiving – just like his Granny Keeny. Perhaps it was childish, but the image was too deeply imprinted in his mind, and he actually never cared to give the Creator a benefit of doubt.

But what if he, Jonathan Crane, has been wrong all along?

If he was wrong about so many things in the past, how about this?

What if Otto, on the contrary, was right?

Because the Lord of Otto von Kelluis was , indeed, very different from that of his great -grandmother.

Otto's Lord was merciful , and He valued mercy higher than justice, and He did care.

He cared for all those former students and professors from Otto's old notebook, whose lives had been taken by the War.

He cared for Otto himself, for his – Jonathan's - colleagues and students and the Dean, for his landlady Frau Schultz, for Molly Randall and her family, including Jervis, Alice and one obnoxious recently reformed ex-Rogue in green, ...even for the black-and-white cat who was currently clinging to his legs and purring quietly, as if expecting something from Crane (wait, why was that cat following him at all? Did he even like cats? ).

And perhaps – for hypothesis' sake – He cared for Jonathan Crane either.

(Credo quo absurdum est, as one of his colleagues would say)

Jonathan felt a lump in his throat.

The cat glanced at him, as if expecting the odd man to make some move.

"I don't know if You hear me, or if You even exist at all", Jonathan suddenly heard himself saying. "But if You do ...I need to enter that abode of Yours. Not for my sake, but for another person's , who is in need now. I do need to enter. Please."

The last word was said in a faint whisper.

And suddenly Jonathan felt he could.

The cat glanced again at the doors that closed behind the strange human , sat nearby and waited.

...The service was a little delayed for some reason, and Otto von Kellius frowned as he realized he had forgot something important, but then smiled warmly when he noticed his friend appear all of a sudden and plunging heavily next to him onto the ancient wooden bench, with an air of someone who had just survived the Apocalypse.

"Oh, thank you very much, Jonathan!" Otto beamed, putting on his newly-found glasses. "But ...are you feeling well? Your hands are trembling."

"I ..." Crane swallowed hard, "I'm not sure how I feel right now. Perhaps I'll be able to tell later. Much later. Now I'm a bit...overwhelmed", he closed his eyes for a moment, sighing deeply."I guess Prof. Schtolle would call it "serendipity".

"He really would", Otto observed, then gave Crane a long meaningful look.

"I understand how you must be feeling right now, Jonathan", he said quietly. "But, believe me, this, too , shall pass."

He gently patted his dumbfounded friend on the shoulder.

"It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass".

..."By the way , as for the question you asked last time, Herr Prof – Gerhardt, the answer is quite obvious", Jonathan Crane said , as the usual crowd was sitting together again in the same room.

The only difference from last time that could meet the eye was the fluffy black-and white cat on Crane's lap and his much more relaxed attitude.

"Oh, really?", the Dean raised an elegant eybrow, looking interested.

"But of course. It's a daily reminder from God to live every day being fearless".

"Well said, Jonathan!" Otto smiled at both of his friends. "I guess even Fritz Bhaer himself wouldn't put it better. And now, gentlemen, do come to the table! As the folks from the Philosophy Department would say, " The righteous eat to the satisfying of his soul, but the stomach of the wicked shall be in want." Come on!

"Solomon was a wise man indeed", Crane gave his friends a rare smile.

He has still a long way to come, but now he was no longer alone on his road.


End file.
